Work

Well, I got a new job. It's at the restaurant in town here. My first day there is tomorrow. My problem? I am completely dreading it. At first I was pretty pumped. I would be able to work in town, which meant not having to drive into the city, I could work with people I already know and I would get to see people in town again, which is what I have missed about not working at Shell anymore. Some time after I got hired though I realized something. I'm done with Langham. Not only is it not the most ideal job (it's not full time and only minimum wage) but I am seriously finished with this town. I need to move on. I always dream of bigger things and I really want to start acting on them. I know I don't have the guts though. Due to the fact that I'm having trouble finding a job that is right for me I am settling. Since I don't know what I want to do with my life, I'm settling. I wish I could just be gone. Move somewhere. Pack everything, move away and find a job elsewhere. Then my head tells me that it doesn't make sense to do that. My biggest priority is to save up for London. If I move away how can I save up? I have to pay off my student loan, I have my cell phone bill to pay, anywhere that I go I will have to pay more for rent than I am at home, plus there's utilities and things like internet and cable/satellite on top of that. Then there's the thing that I wouldn't be able to live on my own, I would need a roommate and I don't want to move in with some stranger. I can't handle a strange place and a stranger at the same time. I'm too much of a coward. So do I just suck it up for now and just think of it as a means to an end? The job will get me to London. I just don't know if it's worth it. I want to get to London, badly. Is it worth being miserable for over a year though? I don't think so. I'm still looking at the help wanted's but I just can't find anything appealing. And to anything that is appealing I can't seem to get hired. I wish I had a plan for my life. I envy those people who know exactly what they want to do, or at least have areas and skills that they excel in. They at least have a fighting chance when it comes to this thing called life. There really doesn't seem to be a chance for me. There is no career that is good for people who are always dreaming about the next big thing, who would rather be alone than with people, or who are just mediocre. I know I could easily get a job at a fast food place or something, but I have been there and I can't do that again. I don't have that in me. I just wish I wasn't dreading tomorrow quite so much. I wish that I wasn't quite so finished with this town. I wish I had more in me. There's a lot that I wish, but alas wishing won't really get me a job or get me to London. I don't really know how to get the rest of what I feel into words. It feels like I just keep repeating myself but in my head it's so many different thoughts. I'm so not prepared to have to do this tomorrow.