1st Year Finished

Well, this post here is going to be a blog of reflection. Yesterday I came home from school. I am now done my first year of college. It doesn't seem like it's real. I really don't feel like I'm old enough to be finished my first year. It's rather surreal. This past year has been so amazing and I know that I changed a lot. I made friendships that I am wanting to keep. I made friends that when I had to say goodbye to them, I cried. I very rarely cry when I say goodbye to people. After high school grad, I didn't cry. I was so glad to be out of there. There was people that I was going to miss, a few people, but I still didn't cry. My goodbyes started on Saturday, the first being a person that I was only really friends with at the start of the year, after awhile we didn't really hang out much. None the less, it was still hard to say goodbye. It amazes me that even people that I barely even talked to the last while of school I am still going to miss. I'm not used to this. In all honesty, when I know that the end of something is coming I will detach myself from it. It's what I've always done. For some reason though, I couldn't bring myself to be detached from the school, or from the people there. And to be honest, I almost didn't mind the hugs. It made the goodbyes harder when there was hugs, but still. Maybe I changed this year more than I thought I did. At the start of the year, I was broken. I was broken from things that happened in my past, from the things I did to the people that were in it. I was looking forward to a fresh start, a place where I could be whoever I wanted to be, I could be my real self if I wanted to. I think I accomplished that. I think that I was myself, and I found it very easy to do so. It helped that a majority of the people were just as sarcastic as I am. I think that I also found out who myself is. I never really used to know who I was. All I used to know was that I pretty much hated life and almost everything to do with it. Did that ever change this year. I learned to love life and everything in it. Even the people in my past that I thought that I would always hate, I learned to forgive what happened and I now have no hard feelings towards anyone. How amazing is that? This year has been such a year of growing. Not only did all of this healing happen with me, but I grew so much closer to God. God really became real to me this year, more real then he has ever been. It used to be when I saw the sky at night and it was beautiful it would just be like 'hey check out the sky it's pretty sweet', but now when I look at the sky I just cannot get over how amazing God really is. What kind of God is he to make a sky like that? With the way that it looks when the sun is setting or rising, and the stars are out with some of them shooting, it's just amazing. To many people are just so busy that the never take the time to look around them and see the beauty of God. My advice to you today, stop. Sometime when you feel as though everything is so busy and you're just rushing around, just stop. Take a look around you. Take a moment and marvel and God's beauty. It will make the busyness seem like less, it will make the pain you may be feeling leave at least for awhile, it will just make you realize that life really is not that bad. That's what I realized. Life really is not bad. Life is actually great. Another piece of advice for you: sometime when it is raining, go for a walk. Walk and just think. If you feel like you need to cry, just do it, no one will know any different. And after that you will feel so much better, rain can often be the best remedy. Learn to love the rain, it's worth it. I just realized that this blog is just a lot of random thoughts moreso then reflecting on the year. That's ok though. I think I got my point across anyway. So four more months until I'm back at school. Not to sure how I feel about that yet. I'm already missing people. How is it going to be after four months? Though I will be able to see some of them on my Manitoba road trip, which I think may happen as long as work agrees with it. I also hope that I don't lose my current outlook on life during that time. That would be a big shame. I'm for sure going to be praying that it doesn't happen. I'm wondering if I have any regrets from this year at all. I think that I may have one. You know how it is when you spend time wondering if you should tell someone something, and by the time you almost wish that you had, it's to late? That's the way that I am feeling. I almost wish I had told someone something, though I don't know if it would have been a good idea to do so. The thing that sucks a bit more about it is that I didn't even get a very good goodbye with this person. One of the few people that I didn't give a hug, and probably one that I would've wanted to hug the most. Funny how things work out.