It has been a long time since I posted. My computer was broken for about a week and my hard drive ended up getting fried. Had someone fix it and since then I seem to have lost my blogging ambition. I figure it is about time for an update.

Things have been alright. I would almost say that I have actually been happy. Usually my sadness outweighs my happiness, but for the past while my happiness has outweighed my sadness. That's a big deal. Of course that makes me scared though. It's been proven time after time that if I'm going to be happy then the sadness will hit harder when it comes. I can almost feel it coming sometimes. Things keep happening, building up. It's as though the happiness is a brick wall that someone forgot to mortar together. People keep leaning and pushing against the wall, most accidently, but some ,I fear, do it on purpose. You push against a brick wall in the right place it eventually has no choice but to fall down. Eventually all that's left is shambles of what once was. It's not fun spending your life just waiting for that moment.

Things were looking up there. At the end of the month I'm actually getting trained/promoted to assistant manager. I think this time it might actually happen. I met a guy about a month and a half ago. An amazing guy. A guy who has so many qualities that I look for. A guy who likes me. A guy who wants to date me. A guy who I feel happy around and manages to make me feel better just by holding me and being there with me. The problem? Pursuing something with him means losing a friend that I have cared about for a long time. I had decided that it was worth giving it a shot with this guy. I can see it going well. I can see it turning into something good. I hate losing friends though. Especially ones that I really care about. I made my decision though, I acted on it, told this friend what was happening. All that happens is that my insecurities get played with. Any doubt that I have in the back of my head about things regarding a relationship get brought up. I wish people could just be simple. Be able to lay all the cards on the table, talk things out, get to a friendly place without having to tear someone else down.

On the plus side a destructive person in my life is gone. I don't know if I ever wrote about him but he really used me and would play with my mind to try to get what he wanted. He is gone now and since he left my life I could feel a weight lifted off me.

I guess you really do just have to take the good with the bad. If things were always simple and straight forward then we would just be to self sufficient. We aren't self sufficient people though. We need more then ourselves in order to get through life. That will never make the bad seem any better though. Even believing that everything happens for a reason doesn't help. I really do believe that. I don't believe that anything is a coincidence. Everything and everyone in a persons life has a purpose. I keep telling myself that. Even with believing that though I still don't understand why some of these things are happening to me. Someday though it will all make sense. I can't wait for the day when I discover what purpose all of this has. When I discover what the 'greater plan' is for me. I know none of this probably seems like a big deal to anyone. It all just sounds like typical guy problems that any girl could have. It really is more then that though. Things have just got to get settled though and it will all be alright. Just gotta keep believing.