Realized it was probably time for an update. Usually I'm just a straight line of melancholy but the past few weeks there has actually been a few hills. Sometimes things are actually going okay. Some days I actually eat two, maybe even three, meals, I have been sleeping a bit better, actually socializing. Other days though it's right back down. Not eating anything, not seeing anyone, getting next to no sleep. I almost prefer the straight line just for the reason that when there are good days the bad days then seem worse and more obvious. I had made the decision to get rid of someone in my life. This person had made me feel bad. We did not have the most healthy relationship. I was feeling used by this person. I had a talk with him and I had told him I couldn't have anymore of it. I felt good after that. Relieved. Like things were going to maybe be okay. It can never be that simple though. He keeps wanting to try and work on things. Keeps making good points as to why we should. It gets harder and harder to say no to him. People in my life who know whats going on keep giving me reasons to say no. Their reasons are better then his. Why can't their reasons stand out more in my mind though? Why can't all their points of why he is such a jerk help me make my mind up easier? What does it take to have it sink in that it isn't right?
On the other side, there is someone that makes me really happy. Someone that I have been trying to become better friends with for quite some time that is finally letting me into his life more. He makes me feel happy. The best part of it is that he actually feels like a real friend. I can just hang out with him. I can't even remember the last time that I had a friend that I could just go and hang out with. No forced conversation, no awkward trying to decide what to do, nothing. Just two friends hanging out. Just sitting around watching tv, talking when we have something to say. It's a friendship that I think I have really been needing. It scares me how happy I am when I'm with him though. Like I can actually say happy. Not even just happy compared to how I often am, but actually happy. When I tell people stories about him, or about something that happened when we hung out, I can't help but smile. I'm really glad about that. On the other hand though, it makes me scared. I don't like it when it's one person that makes me feel this way. People never last. They usually disappoint eventually and leave. That thought makes me sad. I don't even mean that I want a relationship with this person, I really just mean all of this on a friend level. He really means a lot to me and I really love how happy I am when I'm with him. I think this paragraph is starting to get repetitive. In my head it's all different thoughts but when typing it it just seems to meddle together.
Work is going alright. Starting tomorrow I'm actually finally getting trained for assistant manager. I've only been getting told that for about six months, it will be nice that it's finally happening. The only problem is that there seems to be some people who think that I shouldn't get this promotion. And not for any good reason.
I guess in this past month I haven't really had much happening, not many updates to give. I guess the important part though is that I'm okay. Not great, but I can actually say that I'm better then the last time I wrote. Maybe it will keep being on the rise and maybe I'll keep getting better. Here's hoping.