I had some people asking me about my newest tattoo, why I chose the wording, why I decided to have stars on it. I figured, what better place to explain it then here? There are a few different reasons why I chose this tattoo. I got the wording for it from the Switchfoot song of the same title. The one line 'we were meant to live for so much more' has always stood out in my mind. As most people who are reading this will know, I have struggled with depression for a long time, at one point to the extent of thinking a lot about death. I was able to get past that. I believe that I was meant to live. There is a reason that I am here. There is a reason that I have been able to live as long as I have. I also don't believe in coincidences. I don't believe that anything happens 'just because.' Every person has a reason, a purpose. Every situation, no matter how crappy it may seem, has a reason. Everyone is meant to live. I chose stars because of what they have always represented for me. I love just sitting or lying outside at night, watching the sky. That's one thing I miss about being in a small town. It's not the same in the city. Sometimes I can see stars. Not often enough. They have always served as a reminder for me though. A reminder that there's something bigger out there. Something more than just me. I don't know how people can look at the stars, or even a sunset/sunrise for that matter, and not believe in something more. I think that it's impossible to believe in something more and feel like you don't have a purpose, like you aren't meant to be here. Believing in something more should lead to meaning. Purpose. Reason. That is, more or less, why I chose this tattoo.

Things are actually going pretty good right now. I'm officially an assistant manager. I have a pretty awesome boyfriend. Someone who I thought I had lost out of my life forever has come back. That was something that really affected me. Losing this person was one of the hardest things I have had to deal with in a long time. Usually when people leave my life I just take it in stride. I think of all the reasons why it's for the best that they are gone, how I didn't really need them anyway. I could never force myself to think that about this person. I cried for days when this person left my life. No matter how many hurtful things were said to me during all of this I couldn't make myself be angry. It should have been easy. We are talking again though. Things are almost back to normal. I feel a lot happier since that. This is someone that for quite awhile has meant a lot to me. Someone whose opinion I really respect and cherish.

I've been thinking a lot about honesty. How it is so easy to be honest with some people, and so hard to be honest with others. I was at Bonanza for lunch yesterday. For those of you who aren't familiar with that resturaunt, you get into line, order your food, pay for it, then go sit down. So there was 2 people in front of me and 2 behind me. One person in front of me and one behind knew each other. So they visited a bit while they waited to order/pay. When the people in the front went to go sit down one told the person behind me that they should sit near them. After they sat down the lady who was with the other lady behind me said 'we are not sitting by them' and the one who had known the women immediately agreed. That really stuck out at me. How often do we do that? See someone that we maybe hadn't talked to in awhile, or even someone we just saw yesterday, and we can be all friendly to them. Talk to them as though they are our best friend. The minute the leave though, your tone about them completely changes. No one is innocent of this, I admit myself that I am guilty of doing that. There are many people in my life that with them I act all friendly, but really can't stand them. It may be for a variety of reasons, the way they make me feel, the fact I don't think we have anything in common, that we have nothing to talk about, that I feel as though our friendship ended long ago. They don't know that though. On the other hand, how honest is to honest? I have one friend that I am always completely honest with. If I think something, if I feel something, I tell him. I always lay everything on the line and have more then once put my heart on the line with my honesty. Maybe it's for the best that way though. Is it really wrong to fake friendlyness with someone if it makes them feel better? Let's face it, no one wants to be hated. Maybe hated is to strong of a word here. No one wants to be disliked. When you run into someone you haven't seen in awhile you want to feel like they care. Like they are interested in what you have been doing. So is it really wrong to fake that if it helps someone? Just like being to honest. If it doesn't hurt the person, maybe there isn't anything wrong with it. Though the potential is always there to hurt yourself with being to honest. Putting your heart on the line to only be met with resistence. This blog started out as just a quick update, and explanation of the tattoo. Now I have so many thoughts in my head that I don't really know how to properly get it all out. Perhaps I just need to blog more often.